New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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