remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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