And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
