We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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