i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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