he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
