my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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