with your own penis?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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