You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
