he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
