My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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