I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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