i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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