Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
