Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
