Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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