I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
