So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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