I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
