I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
