btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
