ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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