He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
