Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize