i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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