So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
