I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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