chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
