I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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