you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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