wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
