my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
