Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
