I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
