me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
