Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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