I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
