is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
two words...techno handjob
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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