Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
