i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
50% drunk capacity currently
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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