??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
