i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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