peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't turn off my feet"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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