I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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