i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
