oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
