Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
