Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
