It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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