just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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