You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize