I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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