i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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