3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
