I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
