Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize