I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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