Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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