No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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