i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
