I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
