3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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