Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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