my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
