bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
