Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
