Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
