In the future we'll all be gay
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
