idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
