she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
