I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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