Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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