Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
