Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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