there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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