i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
