remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
