so that wasnt chicken after all
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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