that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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