Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
