You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
