Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
