Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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