the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
