His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize