what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
