when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
