dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
