i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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