I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
