Tell her she can't have a vagina
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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