apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
