Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How naked do you want me to be?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
