But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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