it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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