Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
