I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
