at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
