I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
