low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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