Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
