i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
