and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
