i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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