If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
