UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
