I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
