I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
