my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
