my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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