I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
