My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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