You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no you cant smoke seaweed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
