You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
