Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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